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I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name O most high. Psalms 9:2 Occult Notebook Volume I 27-July 98 Johan U. Xavier
published
by The Marriage of St. Felix Oh Love, I would Thee wed And mean to live I do Oh Joyful rest in me instead Of weeping as you do Oh Love rest in Me today Let me hands embrace Thee For we are as One, We are as mates today. O Timaeus Righteousness incarnate Grown to manhood without scorn How I love thee, and thy good works All blessed are thy house, and Through thy house, all Thine. 7-31-98 Columbia (III) Land of blessedness, of Light Of modesty and peace Thy shrines are open for the worshipping Thy daughters for the wedding and the wine. Arise, Columbia My lovely, All pain is past, all calumny undone. 7-31-98 Psalm IO Before my eyes rises the Sun O Helios, protector of my brethren Thou Eheyah, Lord of Light My staff and strength and right. Tzaddi Imra is my guardian She my threshold keeper Bear with, and stand before me, The Lord of Eheyah is my lord of Life. Imrum My daughters bled their wedding Blood for Judah and its Christ Restore the tide of former years And set the lineage right. Timmum Sprayed upon our foreheads Is the mark of Cain again We cannot be slain. Psalm II Blessed be, and blessed give O Weeper of misfortune End the endlessness of Time And give our children wine. He is root, he Vine, his rod a comfort to the wicked We are sinners all, and unforgiven Shorn and weak, we come into Thy presence House of David, House of Asher, House of Dan. I strike my staff upon the ground The Lion is in summer Rage the Tiger on the beach The Man will follow sooner. Psalm XII Ben Joseph Ben Asher Ben Lev Thrice four resound, thrice four And bring the Hashanadah to the Feast The Tabernacle has opened full And the grave is empty now. Anointed One of Light Thy sage repens the Chronicle of this thy Wedding feast How soon are lost, how soon Are sacrifices gathered for the Feast. Ben Joseph, Ben Asher, Ben Lev, We are known by Cain and suffered as thy Able Oh Seth, how Enoch knew But could not let Thee by Thy holy Gate. 7-31-98 Psalm XIII Ariel come forth Thou angel of delight My Hephzibah, my ashen child O Ariel Return to this Thy Right. My children are by Thee wed And thus anointed by Thy light Be children of the lights thirteen Be Mages by the ancient firelight. 7-31-98 Yesterday was a watershed day of memory, recollection, abreaction. 6-August-98=112=4 = Ah These are days you’ll remember. Never before And never since And you will Know You’re half of something It’s true that you Are blessed and special. When the lights Go out In the City And the Moon shines over the Bay; I will be with you there In My City Eheyah. 6-August-98 Over Grandfather The Grandfather Clause My father stands upon the infinitude And my tiny feet, a million tiny left feet forward legs Gives up a leg for Azazel. Salish I call you down, O Skagit! Weheyah Wei, wahona hon Tahoma Tay, O Beynah Duwamps o beynah Sali ish Tahomeh She She, she nay Nohah. N.T. 3-4-999 6-Aug –98 O.T. From the Old World In Urarta 31-Jul-98 Old Time The Lost Week Between worlds Jane My hardest petulance De Bruik, author of the Storm Beleaguered by the Son (sun) Harried by the Rain You live your pleasures in the Lie And come awake too soon For one who, misdirected Is diverted to the Sky. Johannes U. X. N.O.S. 3-3-999, 31-Jul-98 O.T. The Intertestamentary Period From 3 to 1, from 5 to 4 The time is 5:15 From 3 to 2, from 2 to none Give us seven wages war! Raven fly and rabbit tear Your watches to the storm Fly out, fly back We will not send you black Snow white your feather sails Into the sky. Colossus, you fall And ten more labors does Odysseus Before the cantors’ call Send the water down, but aired So my sons of wrath will not be spared. 31-July-98 O.T. 3-4-999 NT over Grandfather Joaz Banbeck Joaz, did you not hear Jachin Banbeck did not shell the Boat ashore Skulls are lined upon the boundary And termagants are crowding to your shore. I will leave you, inverted Boaz I will live your wife, Joachin Contemplate the Almighty Let your vision blend into your dream. 6-Aug-98 Psalm 3:8:999 I see all And all are deemed by God unworthy; I close my eyes and All Are rendered worthy. Call the host Entire; For war is now engaged; Let wisdom break upon the demons’ brow. -19- Kublai Khan – from the last week – 4-Aug-98 4 a.m. Bleed out The milk of paradise Lying still in the prison of your loins For it is sweet though aged Love, My love remembered as acute She clove me, Ere the battle had been joined. As so I cleave to her My love an exercise in amplitude and grace I must find her way to love me That may never change. O Love, my love My madness’ ken How wilt Thou bleed Your Milk of Paradise again? Hill, GMT. 8-7-98=113=32=5 Herakles to Rapha So many battles fought, and lost, O Zeus But shorn I went, unto your Altar Singer of the Homeroi Warrior, and fallen temple priest Favor me with fortune So that I might serve you best. Chthonios, thou Ruler of the World I went to Rapha and was heard But his cupidity struck at my back And lures me to the field When will I be welcome at your Window When will I be freed from all this pain? I must be yoked to Hera’s favored sons I will not bow, a prisoner Nor compromised by challenges to peace I will deliver them to you Do with them what You will. 7-Aug-98 Bind my ways Bind my ways O Eheyah Grant me consolation for the days My fallen house, my fallen brethren Torn from wombs they could not breach My milk is wasted on these children My grain is wasted on the kine But look upon them all with mercy For my love is Joseph’s, blind Loved, they will not pass from me My love for them is wilted on the Vine. My sacrifice is made complete So let there be a Temple Rise before their feet. Grant an end to weeping, O Eheyah Hear my plea, O Jacob For thou art struck from Joseph’s womb Hear me, children of the Ladder The Nephilim are harder fought And faster. Mission San Rafael Arc Angel Before GMT 7-Aug-98 Redpath We are all of us together I, like all my army, stopped, Halted. But unlike these, my men, My children and their ken I know whereof I wait I know whereof I speak It is tomorrow And life is born today. We crossed the Sea We are seldom blessed But blessed, we marry Thee The open land is here for all to see And all will soon be breath And breathing free. 12:21 GMT 7-Aug-98 Larkspur You and I You and I, Messiach Both made small in Wisdom Sensitive in power We are all made straight In the awful shower at the Gate. We use ourselves with Mercy But in our Mercy Is the will of God untold. The power is unleashed, and not by my hand alone The towers have been breached And not by your Wrath alone. 7-Aug-98 Republic of San Marino Too many saints Crowding on this hill Too much of empathy Of Apostles whetted for delight. 7-Aug-98 Central I was the watchman I was the watchman Of the long eternal hour I was the binder of the demon in the Tree I waited out the empty days of night Who authored all the seas of light Time is nothing When all the world is ransomed over Thee. 7-Aug-98 Novato Greenwich Mean Time This mean season Drawn and quartered by Millennial Decree Their small moment Is the death of me. 7-Aug-98 Presidio Seal the Breach All my enemies lie slain And my army is at rest It is time Basileus retires And becomes what he is best No warrior he, the modern scholar Pressed into the breach But something hid, and something Zeus would have me teach. I stand, a watchman A torch upon Thy wall See my wake, Jerusalem And hear the word of Saul. 7-Aug-98/998 Over Mt. Hood/Helens Epithets of Action Undone – Not John Donne Unmanned – Not Thomas Mann No more/nevermore – Not Thomas More Unbearded – not Caesar Hairless – not Brutus Beware – Declare war 10-Aug-98=116=8 Lysistrata in America Now who shall refuse To kneel before the Almighty God of Lust Know thou, that ‘Tis better to serve Mammon in this land Than Dionysios. Fertilize the seed that falls unwasted Onto hallowed ground instead Watch the slaves of Mormon Fit the need. 17-Aug-98 1:25/1:30 p.m. As the Executive sits on trial. 19-Aug-98=125=8 8.20-98 = 126=9 before 7 p.m. 8-21-98 MARK Dionysios in Amerika Do not again cavort For you will risk the wrath of Eros And his false Decrees He does not belie Olympian unfree. The rage of Hera Is so like the storm That rises slowly on the sea. 17-Aug-98 1:30 p.m. over Shasta Last night, I dreamed of Shasta. I will, I must, be there, over Shasta. Palomar (6:40 p.m.) So now the die is cast And events arise to shape the coming dawn I am sage Cleansed of earth and fire Shorn of rage I am reborn And rise to greet the raging of the storm. It is time And now our century of bliss is come at last The die is cast I am in the Gambler’s hands Working free Working as the agent of the Tree. I shine And while the telescopes are free My goal is realigned 22 ot 4 and 33 at 364 The palms are met My agents are unsent The rage is come My destiny unset. I die again to dies irae I am not the god of strife But reconciliation Grieve for something sunnier than death Grieve for passion’s breath Mt. Palomar National Observatory 17-Aug-98 Death is fast approaching Death is fast approaching, demon Death How well I know your countenance and breath Stand and be unmet, O Specter I would have my brethren with me yet. Is there mercy in this service As we battle death? Is there hardship yet again imposed While I defeat my shade You are unsung, Shadow I must defeat you ere I live tomorrow new. I met Numen in the early morn And two alone Our sails were newly worn. 17-Aug-98 580/121 Alameda/Pleasanton Odysseus’ Tenth Labor’s Love Lost And so Christiane, the daughter of the Holy One Went on the day of Wrath to Raphael And spoke in a loud voice, and said I would wish my vengeance be satisfied But the world will by this learn little Of the mercy of the Lord. They believe themselves in mercy, merciless And righteous on the pose of righteousless They cannot know the wrath they seek Is senseless, and will not slake The appetite for Sun Let this battle be unwon And I not here to punish but to sing And long they labored, just to hear me sing Let this song of Ancient Wrath Be now Unsung. 18-Aug-98 Millennial Decree The world will end in 1993 So we, the authors of that Wrath Shall plan ahead 900 years and In that time lose 3 The birth of Christ, was, after all, in 103 BCE So six behind will add another 3. So nine behind and three a head Use Numen’s Elogy For young Saint Saens was right again For two will get you three! A million 2 were found above the 47th tree When Angels manifested on the day of our Degree. Prudence hobbled on my Path And Joseph did preserve Her Prudence will be seen again Though none could truly hurt Her. Profligate, your works abound In Judah, on today What grief will bind them motionless When appetites are found? Oh Kae, take them to your land And let them stay afraid With their wives, or daughters three And let their souls be spared. For each who hides the shameful wound Let all be seen to see The hanging noose that rings their nose As bulls are wont to be. And only I and Numen were At harvest on the Lea And only two of us remembered When the Ocean sank the Sea. Yet with our third, the Circle is revealed And all will soon behold the Hour The Hour is not 7 years hence, or 3 Or 2 but – 6 going onto –7 and counting. On October 12, old, old old time Was born a beast And April 12, old old time Another was released And August 12 was born the Harlot, not in Majesty These are symbols only and not the Messiach’s degree. We shall not sing our date of birth For Rosenkreutz decrees! I have seen the Law today And bow to the Degree I have met the Son today And serve Him on my Knee. Over Mt. Shasta 5:36, 1:36 GMT All the Earth prepares for the Degree Cadeuceus Stay Me Stay me, Oh thou great Eheyah Stay the tune of wrathfulness I am warrior less The less I feel Your path I am Endued For Edward is accused of Treason And well he should Good King Wen Ce Slaws. Milton’s Confession Lord, I have been too full of Puritans To love you purely I have been too shorn of love To see her love as holy With Thee I always meant to live A nun, devoute and pure But wilted on the Vine, I could not live And be demure For Love of Thee I hated and Was bound to Thy decree For Hate cannot engender Faith Where Love was meant to bee My wife, my termagant, my love Would never cleave to me And so in passion took by force And broke Her into Three There will never bee excuse For such a one as Me I beg to be unworthy But still you wait for me.
Candlemas Tonight is Candlemas Torn asunder by the Great Decree It is time to seek a haven In the word of the degree. Nine bells we sound at Candlemas Nine witches topple from a Tree I grow sick, so sick So sicker I shall be. Sicher Sicher Sucher Zucher Zucker So Mote it Be 9-19-98 (sic) 8-18-98 Allegorical Epithets of Ipsissimus Sich "I am" Sicher/sicker "I am that I am" YHVH Ich "I" higher self She "Shin" lower nature, upraised Be "Binah" understanding Kei, Kay, Ke "Kether" Crown Tough "Tiphareth" Peas "Pesach" – the Sacrifice Wood Tiger in Earth Season The day of the Dog is the dog day afternoon The Tiger’s tooth will yet be pulled. Debts Accrued On this Date In 1998 You will pay me 88 The currency determined now Will bear the symbol of the Tau. What was not said, but must be penned Is that the date has been upend So instead of joining in the Fun You pay me less in ’61! So now the Coin is minted whole And Julius is Master I could not be wealthier If Raphael were after. 6:20 Felix Numinisimus Felix was my name The eldest son of Atlas A singer in my youth Whiling away the nights relighting Aetna Basking in the warm Tyrrhenian sea. If he could touch the crown of Jupiter Then maybe I, the tallest of the brood Could sail into the realm of Achis And have a worthy name like that of Atlas Felix of the Overworld. The eldest son of Atlas The tallest of the brood The lowest of the humble Ferrying the living past the corpse of Acheron. 8-18/19, 98 48 Hrs Later As Cancer rises bright with Luna In her frail destructive light I wax and so she wanes to nothingness Until the endless Lion roars. Two days have passed, I lay upon the fevered land I walked, and flew, and waited Without the hours few. 11:30-6 7 ½ Of those few days my eyes saw naught but few, Forty were known And eight unknown I tried, oh how great I reached for 42 I lay awake and could not come with 2. The gate is straight The way is narrow And the path into the Gate Is passing straight. 19-Aug-98 after Alarum J.U.X. Johan Uri Xavier J.F.X. Johan Francis Xavier Johan U. Xavier 19-Aug-98 Vance Hotel, Annaganthas 8-19-98= 125=9 And So we run, as fast and far As Love can take us to the Infinite Run fast and far and hide in Me There is no escaping Lions on the Lea. Day of the Lion Flight 169 Running Free Howsoever I am wont to run, I run Regardless of the time or timelessness of season I have ever been this way, for freedom In reward for freedom bought with sacrifice unspoken All I need is flowing from my poem All I love is granted me again And all that was destroyed by death Is given me again, unbroken It is as though my life is granted to me once again, unlived All mistakes unmade And all that remains of that unlived life Is that I lie awake at night afraid Were that this little maid inside my mind be unafraid! My love, O love in terror, How can I protect you from the life that passes now behind? How can I purge the terror from your undermind? Lord, I plead with Thee To take the child that now clings to me Enwrap her in the Love that will not end. 9:15 Psalm 0+1 Thou Greatest of All Rulers Thou King of Righteousness Slay the ignorant among us Let them stay themselves Within the realm of helplessness And leave the rest of Man To greet the Lion poised upon Your land. Psalm 0+2 The world of Time is passed at Thy command Take from me all of the illusions of the time Grant me life and Love unending So I may bless the moments that may pass. The Octets Ah These women How do they reflect the beauty that lies imprisoned in my wild love? How can they know that my desire is buried deep Inside the womb they have not opened Grant them light so they may find the love They do not know they seek As Luna rules their night. Unrepentant Brief, unchallenged night Ruled by She the unrepentant Foreign bride She is mine entire She waits for me with unrepentant ire Pain will be my portion if I fail And love will be rewarded as I serve and slowly hail She is mine, and pledged to me entire She is Beauty in the searing bright of fire. Samuel’s Son David’s harp lies mute Though once again the March resounded Much was done in that brief space of solitude Much inspired His march resounded as it does whenever Michael sings Plays though David touches not the strings Let the world lay still as Michael sings! Oh though I grieve For lands beneath the realm of ragged cloth There is no sorrow left upon the land For she is freed For though I bled for wounds unhealed, Unscarred, she is rejoicing in the temple How can I grieve when victory is won How shall our challenge be unsung Why should I weep when Death is overcome? 40 40 more or 40 less could matter Yet less I speak the more will conscience come Scald me wakeful, Yahweh, for I am cold in sin Wake me cruel so we may sooner win. My goal is all. Yet 40 more will greet me if I fall. Give me over to the will of All And let the 40 waken when you call. Greet Me Greet me well and modestly I am nothing to the will of Thee, Almighty Mercy on the one who wakes to soon to be made worthy Mercy on the ones who wake with me. Mercy on my cold beloved, hiding in his Tree Mercy on the self-fulfilled in doomed and shadow land. Providence on those whose theft of me gave rise to anger, Willingness on those who bargain free. For we are full This land was far too empty before now Before our birth laid claim to Thy decree For we are full and mighty now, O Lord Oh Lord of Life and Love We await the fury of Thy Call. They await the thunder and the hail of madness then We await the mercy of the All. Let the cantors wait until we call. 58 were. 58 are now. 58. 58. 58. She comes undone…. As I pen the letters of my epic She comes undone And presses me against the tides of madness Doth she not know that she is ever mine thou ever mad Doth she not see the love we might have had? I am thrust into a shame I can not bear Yet must She is chained as Myrrha was Unto the lust of Zeus My crime is plain for all the world to see My passion is the blight upon her tree. John Milton Upon the contemplation of his solitude and the causes of same 1643 Evensong 23 September In the empty hall of Lawrence Lord Essex (long may he stay in London) In nominatum probitur The Passions of Man (As told to the author) Concupiscence: "Oh bleed the iniquity from out my flesh For I am found unworthy Let my rage be spent on somethinge spended grate The penalty for concupiscence must be high To make me so enflamed Tear the freedom from my very eyes that I be blind to her So that all my passions will be sooner blind I do not bleed despite my prayer And goes unanswered this my devil’s need." Were they unprotestant These would be Confession Were I but priest to lay shrive upon them But I am wicked much as He I am slave to witness the unfree. John Milton 23 September 1642 In the halls of Marbrey With Leighton and the children of misfortune Deus ex logos, diabolus in excelsus The Cruelty of the Summer As I was lashed by these uncertain tides The everlasting twilight waned Into the crimson dark The moon was past the new And somewhere ‘neath the star The child wept, the tears were washed away by rain And I was conquered by the pain of his lament. He will soon be free But how long will I remain Communicant for those who fight Again to die In parodies of pain Broken on the wheel of ignorant misfortune; This is the cruelty of the summer Unrelieved by autumn’s cooling rain. 8-23-98 Two will get you….. 9: Flight 2127 The movement is afoot, and I am borne above. I slept as dead, the sleep of death I took Now all and everything begins. Day of the Empress Willowed down below, blasted far above, Here will not be found soft death. The measurement of seasons has begun And we are raised Each moment of our retrograde Is praised. Once were three, and now are three begun In worship in the light of Praise But none are sung. This day of Three has not in truth, begun. We are engaged, As all without, the world has grown enraged. 9-4-98 Portland Our Passion Met Our passion met the limit of our flesh And grew… And so, enflamed, we grew and meshed And could not meet anew We grew enflamed. Love, cannot my love be born in you afresh? Why do you ache to breathe me into you? Why goes unslaked the passion that awakes Anew, anew And sleeps within, to grasp my weary flesh? I cannot fulfill this endless lust, But try I will, but cease at last, I must. 9-4-98 We Fly As far as death has flung us from the Infinite We fly And toss our crowding madnesses Into the cloudless sky. The world is come unglued As far as we can cast ourselves Before the holy rood We sanctify Your reign. And we will live again Below the storm material Among the fruited plains All we have is harvested in rain. Will none believe we grew our love in pain? To throw forgiveness to the wind To love ourselves again It matters not For twice while four the clock is torn in twain. 9-4-98 My Wife How long I loved her, bright and dark My wife undone, my life unloved Yet could not please her, nor her rudeness sparked The horror of her aching dark. Oh death pursued her through her night And long she lusted for my pain We slake the beast but sooner does the beast return again I still pursue, though she is lost to light. My love, I pray, return to me Be heaven-born, be ever free And long I pled, she will not be And so undone, she flees from me. Though I am well, I am not whole Without the true companion soul JM On the Tract of Divorce 1645 31 March Eros 13 She was my wild love Unbridled and uncaring Tempted by the fullest fate, uncaring Did I take temptation then Oh yes, for I would take temptation then! For she was full of rapturous delight And she was eager for the finest of my goods She lay with me, and stole my greater light Enraptured by the fever of her night. My pleasured love, unending My death of consciousness How could I care, for naught was all forgotten? In the hideous incitement of her moods. I lay with Eros, and was lost within her Wood. 9-4-98 Aesculapius When I am the face of ugliness And greedy is my sole intent I fall, and in the falling am upend There I seek the willingness to mend. 9-4-98 Stone and Silence The stones that fell from outer sky Brought fever to the world below So far unknown, the wholly blest Were carriers of wretchedness. O Alien and cold, these conscienceless Within the broiling ocean Ceased to stir the froth of brine And murmured from below. Captured by the light Divine They swept their conquest clean And leading from the choir loft Their Host was Byzantine. Release the Host, thou Lord of Life And break the mold of Pichas Send the wretched back to Light And free the human home. 8-Sep-98 14-Sep-98 This was the day of breaking through. All the life before the bleeding life began Came with me from that room… Now I know the Headsman And well I know the Warden They have marked my face in blood And never would my soul release The power that was Never theirs to take, but mine… And now I claim, by right Divine The power of the Light regained, Forever Thine. I will not be light denied For even though each day, I died The power of the Word survived. Bright and Fair And oh, As far as we were flung from Love in discord, As brutal as the war between us raged We were met And come together whole My love and I, we were engaged. And though as loud and terrible As Florestan has danced upon The world’s unholy stage Eusebius is laughing And the Emperor is laughing For the world is bright and fair And She has smiled upon me, bright and fair And all the world Is brightened by the Air. 14-Sep-98 R.S. at Autumn Gefallen sicherheit Thirty Days Thirty days ago The Trumpet blast was heard And all has fallen flat Before Thy word. And thirty days ago, I see I penned today a date And called I forth the Lion As the Profligate decreed. And Oh, the waste! I run among the billowed storm As though I have been chased All blood is thin as water And the moment is erased. I bleed for Thee, as long I lived Executrix for those who wait I feel the pang of leadership As long I wait to lead. Is today the day I lead? I would not care to Yet I have placed myself at liberty And freed I am to sorrow. And how should I be freed? I cannot say and yet I plead Let freedom come by joy And not be violence. We cannot have both scholarship And rest. How I longed to rest! The end has not yet come To end my test. On the day of release from Sorrow 9-18-98 Why dost thou weep? Pain has been my portion every day And now the rain is come My weeping has at length begun And fear has lighted on this empty page. How will she rage? For she would rage until my death If I would let her Oh my weeping one, when wilt Thou be assuaged? How can poetry contain Thy holy rage? Perhaps you wish to weep My love, my brutal wife If you would cry, and once at least, To sleep… Let me come to you, And let your rages keep. 9-18-98 In the Kingdom of the Air I seek the Light Prophet of the day before Tomorrow It is time we ended all our Sin It is time the speaking of the Lie is ceased. It is time the Angel blasts a tone To sound the Tone of silence Prolegomenon to Thy decree Yet I cannot cease myself. I pray You give surcease to Me. 9-18-98 Over Hood/30K Soon it will be time to wake again and resume. Oh my love, The cries that greet me now are Not of gladness, but of pain Why must we set this fevered course |